When I Am Alone

In the middle of busy life, there were moments of silence and stillness, meaning that being completely quiet or the absence of noise and undisturbed. I really didn't plan to be alone. But, it just happened quietly..😅. So, my quiet moments mostly were...

As I sat alone in the quiet corner of the cafe, the soft hum of conversations along with soft music blended with the gentle clatter of cups and spoons. I encircled a cup of something warm with my hands, as the heat settled into my palms. My coffee had gone lukewarm, but I continued to hold the cup!

Outside the window, the world continued to move with distant sounds, passing footsteps, but none of it demanded anything from me. People passed by in groups or pairs, chatting, laughing, and living in their own little worlds. But then inside, time felt slower. I wondered how long I had been sitting here, lost somewhere between thoughts and memories, as I watched the steam fade from my coffee ☕.

The loneliness wasn't overwhelming. It was more like a silent pause. A moment where everything was still, and I'm left alone with myself. I sipped my coffee. Now it was bitter, but not unpleasant. Maybe it wasn't all that so bad to being alone. Sometimes, it seemed to be the only moment I could truly hear my own thoughts 😳.

I considered how things had been shifting recently. Not dramatically, not in ways that other people would notice. Just slight changes within. The fresh ideas, the silent insights, the feeling that you were gradually changing into a slightly different person. It was a strange feeling, as if you were standing in a doorway between two rooms and were not entirely a part of either. And yet, it didn't feel lonely.

I leaned back, allowed my thoughts to wander. Not searching, not racing. Just floating. The kind of thinking that didn't demand answers, only space.

Surrounded by tall shelves filled with books that seemed older than my thoughts, I sat by myself in the quiet library. The soft hum of the air conditioner and the occasional turning of pages were the only sounds that kept me company. Sunlight slipped through the windows, casting long shadows across the wooden tables, making the room felt both warm and lonely at the same time.

I came here to read books, but my thoughts kept straying 😬. Every empty chair reminded me that I was the only one there, as if the world outside had paused and forgotten this place. I traced my fingers along a book's edge, wondering how many stories it held, such as stories of adventure, friendship and lives that far more exciting than mine at the time.

However, in that stillness, I discovered something unexpected. After a while, being alone didn't feel so heavy. It was peaceful. I felt as though the library provided me space to reflect, breathe, and listen to myself without distraction. As I opened a book and began to read 📖, I realized that I wasn't really alone after all because each page was a silent friend.

For a moment, I noticed the quiet. Not empty quiet. Not the kind that echoes. But the kind that kept me in place. I realized then, this was my space. Not taken, not given.. Chosen, even if not consciously. A pause between chapters, where nothing important was missing and nothing urgent needed to happen.

I was alone, yes. But not in a painful way. More like, in a manner that allowed me to breathe!

I decided to travel alone, not because I had to, but because I wanted to understand myself better. It felt weird at first 😯. No familiar voices. No one to joke around with. Only me and the silent rhythm of my own thoughts.

So, it was just me. It was a quiet kind of space that initially felt unfamiliar, with no plans, no noise, and no one calling my name. I had no idea what to do with it. For a moment, I thought maybe being alone meant something was missing. However, as things gradually unfolded, I started to see it differently.

On the journey, everything seemed new. I noticed little details that I would typically overlook, like the way the morning sunlight touched the road, the distant sound of strangers laughing and the calm feeling of sitting alone in a cafe. I learned how to make independent decisions by myself about where to go, what to eat, and how to spend my time.

Yes, I did experience loneliness at times. But those experiences also taught me about strength. I came to see that I didn't need to rely on others to feel complete. I started enjoying my own company, finding peace in silence. By the end of the trip, I had changed. Travelling alone didn't just show me new places. It revealed my true self 🤓.

It served as a reminder that I didn't always need a plan to enjoy my time. However, there was a moment, when the quiet felt heavier. That kind of silence that made me missed people. Then, I realized that being alone did not mean being disconnected.

In the end, being alone didn't feel empty anymore. It felt like space. Space to rest, to think, to reflect, to feel, and to just be me without any expectations. Maybe that was what today was about. Not loneliness. Just learning how to be with myself.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10

So, when I am alone, everything falls silent. In that quiet, I feel calm and safe. Sometimes I just sit and think about God. I don't use big words. I just talk in my heart, like I'm talking to a close friend. I tell God what I feel.. I feel happy, sad or confused. But, sometimes I don't say anything. I just sit in silence and listen. Even in silence, I feel like I am not alone.

And, I begin to notice small things, like the air, the light and my breathing. All of these remind me that God is near. Being alone helps me feel close to God in a simple and peaceful way.

Thus, it tells me that God often works in silence by shaping our hearts, guiding unseen outcomes, and preparing what we cannot yet see 🙏.

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6