I Will Stop

When I decide "I will stop", it feels like a quiet promise I make to myself. It is not loud or dramatic. It is steady. It is serious. The moment I write "I will stop", I am choosing awareness 😊.

This "I will stop" words are gentle. They do not say, "I should have stopped long ago." They do not say, "I am terrible for doing this." They simply say, "From this moment, I choose differently." So, with that in mind, I have made a choice.. "I will stop" thinking of you!..😧. Huh!

So, I will stop thinking of you 😬. Not in anger. Not in pride. Not even in pain.. Just quietly... Sometimes, these weird thoughts come to mind but not so much intrusive thoughts that may disturbing or harmful.

Actually, for a long time, my thoughts have circled around you like birds that did not know where to land 😆. In the morning, I wondered what you were doing. At night, I replayed words you once said. I carried you in small, ordinary moments, such as when I saw the similar snack at the store, the same tasty ice cream, the familiar coffee taste, the pretty pink cherry blossoms that were very much alike, or when a song we both listened came on, when the sky looked the way it did the day we first expressed our thoughts, feelings or desires.

But today feels different...😳.

Today, I realize that holding on in my mind is not the same as holding on in real life. And, maybe I was never meant to keep you there forever. Maybe I was only meant to learn something. I do not see this as a loss anymore. I see it as a step!

I do not know what comes next. I do not know who I will meet or where I will be a year from now. But, I trust that what is meant for me will stay. It will not confuse me. It will not leave me guessing. It will come with peace.

So when thoughts of you try to return, I will gently let them pass. I will not fight them. I will not hold them close either. I will place them in God's hands and say, "Thank You for what was. Now lead me to what will be." This is not goodbye with bitterness. This is release with faith 🙏.

Therefore, I write this with a calm heart. Again, I will stop thinking of you. Not because I hate you. Not because I regret knowing you. And not because what we had meant nothing. It meant something real to me. It was honest. It was soft. It was important. But, I feel something changing inside of me.

For months, maybe longer, my mind has been full of you. I realized that somewhere along the way, my heart became too focused on you. I looked for comfort in your words. I looked for security in your presence. I waited for messages that would make my day better. Slowly, without meaning to, I placed you in a space that only God should fill. However, now I see that holding on in my thoughts is not helping me grow. But that is not your fault. It is just the truth.

Anyway, I do not see this as a failure. I do not see it as a broken story. I believe God is working in this, even if I do not fully understand how. Maybe this is not about losing you. Maybe this is about finding Him again. And, God is working even in the silence, in the space that feels empty. I believe He is not taking something from me without preparing something better for me. Maybe He saw what I could not see. Maybe He knew that my heart was growing too attached to something that was not growing back. I also believe that when God closes one door, He is not being cruel. He is protecting. He is guiding. He is shaping my future in ways I cannot yet understand. Or, maybe God is teaching me what matters most!

So, I will stop thinking of you and start thinking about the life God is preparing for me 😃.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me — practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. - Philippians 4:8-9

All things begin with Him. All love, all hope, all plans. And somehow, all things go back to Him too. He is the Creator. He sees the whole picture while I only see small pieces. If this connection is fading, maybe it is because He is redirecting me. Maybe He is clearing space in my heart for something stronger, something more steady, something that brings me closer to Him instead of distracting me from Him. Hence, I will stop thinking of you. Not with force. Not with anger. But with trust.

But, every time my thoughts drift back, I will gently remind myself that God is in control. If you are meant to stay in my life, you will. And if you are not, then this is protection. This is guidance. This is love in a different form 💗.

I believe He is shaping my heart. Teaching me that people are gifts, not foundations. Teaching me that peace does not come from another person, but only from Him. Teaching me that what truly matters is faith, growth and a heart that returns to its Creator. Maybe this is what maturity feels like 😅. Letting go without bitterness. Releasing without fear. Trusting without seeing the full path.

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. - Romans 8:5-6

So, again, I will stop thinking of you and I will start thinking more about God's purpose for me. I will let Him write the next chapter. I will let Him decide who stays and who goes 😍.

Because in the end, everything such as every love, every lesson, every goodbye leads back to Him. And that is where I want my heart to rest!